By now you’re probably aware of my math ineptitude. Recently I heard a radio personality say, “If math is the Harlem Globetrotters, then I am the Washington Generals constantly getting confetti dumped on my head!” When it comes to math, I am riddled with confetti, but I think I’ve discovered the problem… There is a diagnosis for people who switch words around while reading - it’s called dyslexia. Likewise, I have discovered a diagnosis for those who struggle with math; it’s called, Developmental Arithmetic Disorder -D.A.D. for short. Ironically, I believe my own dear old D A D unknowingly compounded my problem by rapping me with a ruler for goofing off during one of our homework sessions!
Wow, little did I know that by revisiting 6th grade, I would uncover my deep dark issues about math, as well as a (non-professional) diagnosis to boot!
My son, (who believes the nice, sweet, man who spoils him - called Grandpa, could never have been so stern), reluctantly showed some sympathy by giving me tips on how to survive 6th grade math... He told me that now-a-days, the only way to survive - is by using a simple mnemonic phrase. For example, in order to remember how to solve certain mathematical equations, you would use the phrase; Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally, which stands for:
Please/Excuse – Parenthesis and Exponents
My Dear – Multiplication and Division
Aunt Sally- Addition and Subtraction
He said that if the math equations are not solved in a certain order (shown above), the answer will undoubtedly be incorrect.
I explained to my son, “I know you mean well, sweetheart, but this is not going to work.” (I have unsuccessfully tried these types of phrases while going to the grocery store.) For example, Ted Is A Man, equaling = Toothpaste, Ice, Apples and Meat. Unfortunately, when I get to the store, I always forget the phrase…even after I say it over, and over, on my drive there. Once I get to the store, something seems to happen to my brain - I think the handles on the carts must send some kind of electrical charge, scrambling my memory. Because it never fails, I’ll be standing in Marsh with a blank stare thinking “Now who is the man?” or “Ted is what…now?” As soon as I get my hands off the electro-charged cart, put the groceries in my car (sans something), drive home, and get in the house, it hits me- “Ted Is A Man, - Shoot I forgot the meat, which is the main ingredient for dinner!”
It is at that moment I realized why teenagers think parents are stupid and clueless. I am sure my son will feel the same way during his teenage years and my grocery store story did not help my cause. If there are any children reading this blog, parents aren’t stupid, just impaired a little, you will get there one day…promise!
Anyway, where was I…oh yeah math? Since I have come to the realization that I am a D.A.D. sufferer, I think I will start a support group, with my fellow 6th graders because there must be others afflicted. I asked my son if he would pass out flyers in the lunch room about my support group I got no response, just another glare (this time icy) as he walked out of the room.
Oh well, I will suffer alone, like I already had been. I will be strong, and trudge through math this year the best way I can, my way- Counting my fingers and toes…minus the mnemonic phrases…Stay Tuned
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
6th Grade Revisited - What a Ride!!
Wow, the last month has been crazy for us 6th graders. A new love interest has emerged and we did not see it coming. We are not living up to our potential in Math and our popularity rating keeps going up and down. What a roller coaster ride!
My son was begging me this week to let him quit school, so he would not have to face his new, not-so-subtle gal pal who is crushing on him. She is very vocal and very embarrassing....some might say down right overbearing. It took all I had not to giggle uncontrollably at his predicament, but, I realized this is as serious to him as my bullies were to me. So I took off my fellow-6thgrade-classmate face and put on my Mommy face and told him, “I understand your despair, therefore, I will allow you to be homeschooled.” Shock turned to disappointment when he realized what homeschooling meant:
Cleaning the house from top to bottom, laundry, ironing, and cooking all the meals, - oh and I also want a garden!
Kidding aside, I explained to him. “It is unfortunate you children have to worry about stuff other than academics at school, but that’s reality.” “We parents need to remember that, and it is our job to help you with "coping skills" so you are able to handle these additional distractions.” I guaranteed, “In a few days, this girl will tone down her demonstrative doting” (which she did.)
I told my son, “Have fun on this year’s roller coaster ride, the ups and downs are what make things interesting." I told him that my 6th grade ride was the awful, scary, slow, indoor boat ride... and... the only reason this particular attraction even had a line, was because it was the coldest ride in the park on a scorching hot day! I received the smile I was looking for, now on to Math homework, (Yuck, I would rather have a garden)…STAY TUNED!
My son was begging me this week to let him quit school, so he would not have to face his new, not-so-subtle gal pal who is crushing on him. She is very vocal and very embarrassing....some might say down right overbearing. It took all I had not to giggle uncontrollably at his predicament, but, I realized this is as serious to him as my bullies were to me. So I took off my fellow-6thgrade-classmate face and put on my Mommy face and told him, “I understand your despair, therefore, I will allow you to be homeschooled.” Shock turned to disappointment when he realized what homeschooling meant:
Cleaning the house from top to bottom, laundry, ironing, and cooking all the meals, - oh and I also want a garden!
Kidding aside, I explained to him. “It is unfortunate you children have to worry about stuff other than academics at school, but that’s reality.” “We parents need to remember that, and it is our job to help you with "coping skills" so you are able to handle these additional distractions.” I guaranteed, “In a few days, this girl will tone down her demonstrative doting” (which she did.)
I told my son, “Have fun on this year’s roller coaster ride, the ups and downs are what make things interesting." I told him that my 6th grade ride was the awful, scary, slow, indoor boat ride... and... the only reason this particular attraction even had a line, was because it was the coldest ride in the park on a scorching hot day! I received the smile I was looking for, now on to Math homework, (Yuck, I would rather have a garden)…STAY TUNED!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
6th Grade Revisited - The Field Trip
As I mentioned before, there are a few things limiting me from fully revisiting 6th grade, because I simply refuse to do them, including field trips! Besides, I don't rememember our school system offering any 6th grade field trips back in 1982; therefore no need for me to re-live anything now. My experience with some of my sons' previous feild trips have given me good reason to totally swear them off...
I can’t even go to the mailbox during the fall season without sneezing my fool head off, but I agreed to go to the pumpink patch and go on a hay ride in the middle of October. What was I thinking? I sneezed endlessly and overheard one of my son’s classmate’s say, “What is wrong with your mommy?” How embarrassing! I was a nasty snotty mess after that field trip. That was the second grade...
Then there was third grade, when all of the classes went to see a play at Butler Theater. The teacher assigned me what seemed like 50 kids (ok it was really about 15…but still!) When the kids I was in charge of got off the bus, the girls all held hands and started walking quietly to the theater. The boys got out of the bus and scattered like little cockroaches, plus there were like five other schools pulling up and getting off the buss all at the same time! Eeek, can we say nervous break down. After it was all over, I pretty much needed a valium and a glass of Merlot.
So you see, NO FIELD TRIPS for me! I told my son to give me a full report for my blog since I can't go with him on his 6th grade trip. He told me they went to a place called the Challenger Center. He went on and on about how great it was... they all had to pretend to be astronauts/mission control personnel and simulate a mission into space. WHAT! I missed the coolest sounding field trip of them all! I started to get kind of disappointed that I made up the no-field-trip rule. That is until…he began telling me about the non-stop singing on the bus which included rounds of Sponge Bob Square Pants and the FreeCreditReport.com jingle…Keep my rules, keep my sanity...STAY TUNED
I can’t even go to the mailbox during the fall season without sneezing my fool head off, but I agreed to go to the pumpink patch and go on a hay ride in the middle of October. What was I thinking? I sneezed endlessly and overheard one of my son’s classmate’s say, “What is wrong with your mommy?” How embarrassing! I was a nasty snotty mess after that field trip. That was the second grade...
Then there was third grade, when all of the classes went to see a play at Butler Theater. The teacher assigned me what seemed like 50 kids (ok it was really about 15…but still!) When the kids I was in charge of got off the bus, the girls all held hands and started walking quietly to the theater. The boys got out of the bus and scattered like little cockroaches, plus there were like five other schools pulling up and getting off the buss all at the same time! Eeek, can we say nervous break down. After it was all over, I pretty much needed a valium and a glass of Merlot.
So you see, NO FIELD TRIPS for me! I told my son to give me a full report for my blog since I can't go with him on his 6th grade trip. He told me they went to a place called the Challenger Center. He went on and on about how great it was... they all had to pretend to be astronauts/mission control personnel and simulate a mission into space. WHAT! I missed the coolest sounding field trip of them all! I started to get kind of disappointed that I made up the no-field-trip rule. That is until…he began telling me about the non-stop singing on the bus which included rounds of Sponge Bob Square Pants and the FreeCreditReport.com jingle…Keep my rules, keep my sanity...STAY TUNED
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